In class we have been learning to write a description. This is about Zoi Sadowiski-Synnott who goes for gold but gets bronze at the snowboarding in the Winter Olympics at Pyeong. We had to include present tense and sights and sounds.
Zoi is raring to go as she waits for the traffic light to turn green. Ding Ding Ding goes the bell as she scurries down the slope to the big jump. As she approaches the ramp the board smoothly slides up to the edge. Fling goes the back of the board, and she’s off flying into the frosty air. She attempts a double backflip and she bounds through the air with lots of momentum to keep her going. Slam, goes the board as she hits the ground. Zoi has a big smile on her face as she skids to a halt to catch sight of her fans cheering her name.
Well done, Ryan, you've included lots of interesting words in your writing that makes it sound very fast and exciting. I like the way you've repeated the sentence beginning, "Fling goes the back of the board.." and "Slam, goes the board....". In descriptive writing it can be very effective if you include a little repetition like that. You also included some alliteration: "smoothly slides".
ReplyDeleteMrs Idle
Thank you for the very kind and thoughtful comment. From Ryan at Awahono School
ReplyDelete